Five Questions You Need To Be Asking About Your Work-Life Overload RIGHT NOW!
Think of the most frequent questions you ask yourself in the course of a week. I’ll bet they include:
What’s my password for ______________ (insert name of app or website)?
What will we have for dinner?
How will I ever get all this work done?
When will I NOT be so busy?
They are important questions (especially the dinner one), but they don’t address the underlying causes of you feeling overwhelmed, underappreciated, and helpless to change things to achieve different outcomes.
Listed below are the questions I find most helpful with my coaching clients to start them on their journey to improvement. They are also questions I have learned to ask myself in moments when I feel the elephants crashing down around me.
Before You Begin:
I do have one personal request as you prepare to read and reflect on your answers to these questions: Get yourself into a more reflective space, physically and mentally. Take your laptop, tablet or phone, and find a comfortable place to sit. Try to find a space that doesn’t have a bazillion distractions, and yes, silence notifications on your devices. YOU are important, and are about to do some really important work.
Ready? Here we go.
1. How aligned am I with my definition of success?
While being interviewed on a recent podcast, I was asked the question, “What is your definition of success?” I’m ashamed to say I was taken completely off guard by the question. I know what success LOOKS like, but to define it in a few words was tough. And no, I’m not sharing my definition. You need to do the work too.
Start with your values and aspirations. Yours… not what you have allowed society to convince you is important. What is truly important to you? Think back to recent nights when you have put your head on your pillow and felt a healthy sense of fulfillment. What did you do that day? What do those activities represent?
Once you have your definition, you can ask yourself questions like:
What is “out of alignment” for me?
What are some steps I could take to bring more alignment with my definition of success?
2. What is a number that bothers me?
This is one of my favorite questions to ask my coaching clients-and myself. There are so many possibilities. It could be anything from the number of hours of sleep you get, time you spend on social media, number of meetings per day, or the (lack of) minutes you invest in your own wellness each day.
With your list in mind, ask yourself:
Which one(s) do I have the ability to change?
What would a lower (or higher) number give me that is important?
What is a new routine I could start to work on that number?
For example, you may be bothered by the lack of minutes you invest in your own personal wellness each day. Taking action on this one would give you more energy and a heightened sense of order in your life. A new routine you could start is giving yourself the first 10 minutes of your day. Just for you. No social media. No texting. For more on this idea, watch my Jones Zone entitled, What’s The Number For You?
3. Am I setting clear boundaries?
Rarely does our work or our personal life immediately become a juggling elephants routine. More often it is the result of saying, “Just one more.” All those small “one mores” eventually created the sense of overload you are now experiencing.
Boundaries are like guardrails that protect you. Define your non-negotiables, such as designated off-hours for work, personal commitments, and time for yourself. Consistently communicate these boundaries both to yourself and those around you. Remind them (and yourself) how having these boundaries will make you a more effective employee, friend, and even family member.
4. Where am I resisting asking for help?
How many times do you look at someone else’s life, either in person or on social media, and think, “They so have their life together… what’s wrong with me?” As my friend Luke Jackson says, “You’re just seeing the highlight reel.” The truth is, if they DO have their life all together, they have come to understand that they can’t do it all… or all by themselves.
As you think about the physical help you need, don’t forget to focus on the mental or emotional support that would be beneficial to managing your overload. Find that trusted colleague at work or friend who you can share your struggles with and allow them to share insights from their perspective. Sometimes you are simply too close to your situation to see possibilities for improvement.
And if you’re still resisting asking for help, check out my article, 12 Really Good Reasons To Ask For Help.
5. What is the one thing I REALLY should be doing for myself right now?
During my keynote presentations based on my book, Juggling Elephants, I discuss the idea that we have “three rings” in our life: A work ring, a self-ring, and a relationship ring. I’ll take a poll of the audience to see which ring they believe is most important. There is not consensus, although work rarely is chosen (no surprise there, right?)
A few seconds later I’ll say something like, “We may not be able to agree on which one is most important, but which one do we neglect most often?” The response is always, “self.” When you are overloaded, your own physical, mental, and emotional needs take a back seat to everything else.
Ironically, you need these resources more than ever when you have too much to do.
Your answer to this question might be an actual activity like exercise, time with friends, or blocking out time on your calendar to just relax. You might also want to consider things like:
Give myself more grace when I don’t get everything done.
Be okay when things aren’t done perfectly.
Acknowledge that I can’t get it all done… and that’s okay.
Celebrate what I am getting done-even the little things.
For a more comprehensive look at improving your personal wellness, read my article, Is It Time To SPICE Up Your Self Care?
Asking the tough questions about your work-life overload is the first step towards regaining control and finding more fulfillment each day. By defining success, identifying what could change, setting boundaries, asking for help, and prioritizing your own needs, you'll uncover strategies to overcome overwhelm and create a life that better aligns with your priorities and values.
And who knows? Getting clarity on these tough questions might give you some valuable time to think more deeply about that “dinner” question. 😉
