18 Seed Phrases Leaders Can Use To Grow Better Conversations

Each January I head to the freezer in my basement and pull out a worn cardboard box. There are jars, envelopes, and bags filled with all kinds of seeds. Some are remnants of seeds purchased at a store in the past while others are seeds I have saved from my own plants.

As I shuffle through the various containers, I ask myself, “What do I want to grow this year?” I have limited space and want to ensure that anything I grow is something that will be enjoyed by me and the family (and yes the honeybees too).

The same is true for leaders. Getting time to talk with team members is so limited these days. Every interaction becomes transactional instead of relational. So how can you make sure you are using it productively to deepen and strengthen your relationship with them while also helping them grow to their fullest potential?

Like choosing the right seeds from that cardboard box, I believe there are certain words and phrases leaders can choose to accomplish this goal. They include:

“What’s front of mind for you today?”

Rather than starting with your agenda, you find out what’s important to them. It might be a work-related matter, but it might also be a situation from their personal life. Allowing them to verbalize the thought helps clear the air (or give you a chance to support them) and make for a more effective work discussion.

“Tell me a “win” for you.”

We all spend too much time beating ourselves up for what’s NOT getting done. Using this phrase gives them a chance to celebrate and you an opportunity to celebrate them.

“What is one thing that brought you joy today?”

I got this one from Ask Powerful Questions. I see it create the biggest smile on people’s faces. And when a conversation starts with a genuine smile and warm thoughts, the possibilities are endless!

“What is most important to you about this ____________________?”

Once you know their answer, you can better understand how to work with them.

“It seems….” or “It seems like…”

As Seth Godin wrote in a recent blog, “If we state something as fact, we are asking for an argument. But ‘seems’ opens the door to learning and discussion.” Using this phrase gives them the opportunity to disagree with you or offer a differing opinion more easily.

“I want to hear your perspective because __________________________________.”

You would fill in the blank with something that acknowledges their experience, value, or insights. It also helps them know how to better respond to you.

“If you could get unlimited resources to tackle this challenge, what would you ask for first?”

Most of us think in terms of what resources are currently available or what resources were available in the past. With this question you encourage them to expand their thinking. (Thanks to Lisa Cashulette for sharing this one with me.)

“How might we…?”

I like this one because it again helps stretch people’s thinking beyond the status quo AND it reminds them that you are willing to work with them to make it happen. The work is not all on their shoulders.

“Help me understand…”

This phrase has been my “go to” so often when working with people who have different perspectives. The word “help” triggers them to engage, and using the word “understand” shows a desire to have empathy for them.

“Tell me more about that.”

Using this statement helps you get to the value, fear, hope, frustration, or simply the deeper reason someone mentioned something. J. Pierpoint Morgan is quoted as saying, “A man has two reasons for what he does—a good one, and the real one.”

“Whose voice or perspective have we not heard from about this?”

You show a desire to make sure you have a diversity of opinions from which to make a more informed decision.

“On a scale of 1-10…?”

Using this framework for a question gives you so much information! You can also build on their answer to clarify potential next steps. For example, if their response is a “six,” you could ask, “What would make it a 9?” And once they respond, you can reply with, “How can I support you (and/or the team) to make that 9 a reality?”

“How can I support you?”

I like the word “support” more than “help.” To me, help can sometimes imply that the person needs someone strong to save them. (Maybe it’s due to my reading too many superhero comic books growing up.) Support implies they can do it, and you want to provide resources to ensure they succeed.

“What would you do if I weren’t here and you had to choose an action right now?”

You have now, for a moment, elevated them to a higher role and they get to think bigger. You also get to coach them once they have shared their answer. A great follow up is “Tell me more about your choice.”

“What am I missing?”

You acknowledge you don’t have all the answers and that they (or others) have insights needed to make a better decision.

“What questions do you have?”

If I hear one more person say, “Are there any questions?” I may scream! Of course there are always questions, especially when a new idea has been introduced. Encourage them to ask. Another effective way to frame this question is, “What questions do you have for me?”

“Walk me through…”

This is such a better way to phrase the “Why did this happen?” question. I appreciate the imagery of two people walking together through a situation. (Thanks to my friend Luke Jackson for sharing this one with me many years ago.)

“What do you have now that you didn’t have prior to our conversation?” or “How was this conversation helpful?”

This is a frequent question I ask at the end of a coaching session but have gotten the feedback that some of my coaching clients are using it with their teams. They like how it shows a genuine desire to learn if the conversation was indeed valuable, and what they (the leader) can do to improve their next interaction.

Returning to my opening analogy, there are millions of different types of seeds I could plant. I need to choose those that accomplish the goals I have for gardening. So it is with leaders. What are you wanting to grow?

Choosing questions and phrases that increase an individual’s motivation to succeed, give clarity to their work, and challenge them to be the best versions of themselves is essential if we want to celebrate more harvest moments as a leader, a team, and an organization.

To lead your team with a gardener’s mindset, purchase my book, Always Growing!