Why Improving Mental Health Has Become A Priority For Me

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May is mental health awareness month. If you had told me that seven years ago, I would have looked at you and said, “Okay,” and carried on with the normal course of conversation. Even though I have long spoke about the importance of having healthy levels of physical, mental, and emotional energy to make the best choices with your time, I had never given much thought to the “mental health” part of that equation.

Today is different. When I hear the phrase “mental health” I don’t immediately think of someone who needs to visit a psychiatrist or potentially be committed to an institution to work out their issues. When I hear a friend, colleague, or even family member talk about their anxiety, tell me they are feeling depressed, or mention their insecurity, my first thought is not, “Get over it and move on.” Most importantly, when I experience those same moments, I have a much higher level of self-compassion than in the past.

When I hear a friend, colleague, or even family member talk about their anxiety, tell me they are feeling depressed, or mention their insecurity, my first thought is not, “Get over it and move on.”

What changed you ask?

The first experience was watching my daughter Sydney struggle to manage her anxiety a few years ago. I kept thinking, “This shouldn’t be happening to her. She’s got a loving family, a supportive group of friends, and loads of talent. She knows that God loves her and has a plan for her life. It just makes no sense!” I realize now that conditions like anxiety can affect any of us.

The hardest part for my wife Lisa and I was that we couldn’t “fix it.” We were facing something where our primary role was to love, support, resource, and encourage Sydney as she worked through the struggle in her mind.

Today it’s normal for Sydney to discuss her anxiety and how she is coping with it. Because of her journey she is equipped to help others in ways I never dreamed possible. Just last week I marveled at how she worked with a fellow student who was paralyzed by fear about something. She was able to guide him to a better place mentally so he could take the necessary physical action. She also helps me improve my mental wellness by asking questions that force me to examine my motives on a deeper level.

The second experience that has forever changed my thinking about mental health is my work in coaching. One of the things I had to “unlearn” in my early days of coaching was giving out answers. I realized that what was often holding my clients back (and still does today), was something related to their mental well-being. They needed a path to create a healthier frame of mind if they were going to sustainably engage in new actions to move forward in ways that were important to them.

The third reason I see mental health so differently today results from what I am learning about myself. I’m not sure if you call it heightened self-awareness, self-coaching, or getting wiser, but I’ve come to recognize how much my diet, environment, and relationships affect my mental well-being. In the past I would simply try to “push through” those paralyzing moments but now I give myself permission to reflect on those feelings, seek their source, and determine how to better manage them.

In the past I would simply try to “push through” those paralyzing moments but now I give myself permission to reflect on those feelings, seek their source, and determine how to better manage them.

Each year, Mental Health America comes up with a theme for the month of May. This year’s theme is Back To Basics. As I reflected on their work, I thought of the basics I have learned about working with people whose mental health may be different than mine at that moment. They include:

Seek to have empathy instead of sympathy.

This was one of the big shifts in thinking for me. A great place to start understanding empathy is by viewing Dr. Brene Brown’s TED talk on the power of vulnerability. She explains that sympathy is to see someone in a deep hole but remaining on higher ground and talking to them from above. The sympathetic person may also try to simply put a silver lining on the other person’s situation instead of acknowledging the person’s pain. Conversely, empathy is feeling with the person, it’s climbing down the hole to sit beside them, making yourself vulnerable to sincerely connect with them. The empathetic person will recognize the person’s struggle without minimizing it.

Be fully present with them.

One common thread I have seen for people experiencing poor mental health is that they feel alone in their journey. I have often found that it isn’t wise words they are seeking as much as a sense that someone else genuinely cares about them. Giving them your undivided attention is the most powerful way you can show you value them.

Validate their words even if the situation looks different to you.

People want to feel heard when they are experiencing tough emotions or thoughts. Even though you may not see things as they do, affirm them with phrases like, “That must be hard…” or “You do have some difficult things to work through…” Show them it’s acceptable to have these feelings or thoughts.

Ask how you can help.

Saying, “If you need help, let me know” or “I’m here for you if you need me” might make you feel good, but it doesn’t do much to help the person address their situation in a more healthy way. A better question is, “How can I help?” Asking that question invites them to look for ways to move forward. Even if they don’t have an answer at that moment, keep asking.

Change the subject.

Dwelling on the topic of their mental health for too long will only make them feel worse. Have brighter, less serious things to discuss. Even when I am coaching and the moment is heavy, I will sometimes switch to a fun metaphor or analogy of the situation to get my client to look at their situation differently.

Get them moving.

There is no question that physical activity helps with mental well-being. I have found that some of my biggest breakthroughs with coaching clients in their mental wellness journey have come when walking with them or having them walk as I talked with them on the phone.

Nurture Your Own Mental Health.

Whether as a dad or as a coach, I am of little use to anyone in helping others on their journey to mental wellness if I’m not taking care of my own mental wellbeing. Mental Health America has a great list of 31 Tips To Improve Your Mental Health if you’re looking for some new activities for yourself.

While I wouldn’t wish the pain of poor mental health on anyone, I am grateful for being given the opportunity to walk with my daughter and others during these seasons in their lives. There are so many things I will never understand about mental health or mental wellness, but I do now know two things: The struggle is real, and we ALL have a role to play in helping each other through these difficult times.

I do know two things about mental health: The struggle is real, and we ALL have a role to play in helping each other through these difficult times.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. What does that mean to you?