Just Ask

It happens way too often. Either in a formal training program or in a casual conversation with someone I will hear someone "wonder" what their boss, supervisor, spouse, child or friend was thinking when they did something that upset them. My response is always, "Did you ask them?" Most of the time I get a look that says, "Drop dead, Jones." Well, maybe it's not that strong, but it is with much disdain.

Remember-not asking gets you nothing. If you are in negotiations with your supervisor about something, making your needs known and at least asking is the only way to have an opportunity to get what you need. Remember-not asking gets you nothing.

If you are trying to work out something with a spouse, friend or even enemy, questions like, "What do you hope to accomplish by doing this?" or "What's the outcome you are looking for?" go far in getting both of you on the same page. Failure to ask questions breeds suspicion-or we infer that we know why they did something-and we are sometimes wrong.

"Well, Jones I don't think they would tell me the truth anyway," you say. If that's the case, there are some deeper issues here that might also be best addressed with some more probing questions or longer discussion. Remember-not asking gets you nothing.

So the next time you are "wondering" just ask-you might be surprised by what you find.