23 Things To Quit In 2023 For Better Work Life Success
Quitting. I’ve always been fascinated by the emotion that rises up within me when I hear or say that word. I know part of it comes from my childhood when I quit my first thing… middle school football. I’ll never forget the discomfort I felt when my coach saw me at school after I had not shown up at practice for a couple of days and he asked, “Did you quit football?” I felt like the most worthless person as he nodded his head slowly and frowned at me.
Then there’s the idea that quitting anything other than habits that are dangerous to our health (i.e. smoking, alcohol abuse, drugs) is a sign of failure on our part. “Winners never quit” is an axiom we all have grown up with. I appreciate the rebuttal to this idea from Annie Duke in her amazing book, Quit. She writes, “If you walk away from something that is no longer worthwhile, that frees you up to switch to something that is more likely to help you achieve your goals-and you’ll get there faster.”
I believe that significant positive change can be initiated when we identify the things we want to quit. There’s no place for us to hide. We have to face up to those actions or attitudes that are holding us back. Of course I think that once we have determined what we want to quit, it’s essential that we look at our “quit list” and ask ourselves why we want to quit these things. How will stopping these things help initiate progress toward the person we want to become? And finally, we have to create a routine, boundary, or task that will help us replace the thing we quit with something more positive.
So if you have already forgotten about your resolutions, goals, mantras, or your word for this year, maybe it’s time to get your favorite beverage, find a place that puts you in a reflective mood, and create your quit list for 2023. In the spirit of being a better ringmaster of your circus (From my book, Juggling Elephants), here are 23 suggestions (some are actually mine) aligned with each of the three rings in your life.
In 2023 I resolve to quit…
Self Ring
Mindlessly eating (or drinking). In my December newsletter I mentioned how the Limitless series had radically altered my view of my diet and its impact on my well-being both now and for the future. I’m over a month into my new habits, and I’m thrilled with the results. One of the biggest “ahas” for me was how much I was eating for comfort, stress, or procrastination. I now plan what I’m going to eat every day and have the mantra, I will eat real food mindfully.
Telling myself I don’t need help. I have limited my professional success and personal well-being too much over the years by being too proud and independent. The sources of that help range from my spouse and my children to my friends, and even being more intentional about hiring individuals to help me grow my business… and ME!
Looking at my phone when I wake up. This is a quit with immediate benefits. When you make the choice to start your day in a way that aligns with your priorities instead of someone else’s, you create a healthier perspective on your work and life.
Letting myself deny my own health to improve the health of others. An article in Attuned Psychology best captured the essence of this idea. The authors write: “We all need and deserve to be selfish at times. This provides us with the emotional capacity and self-knowledge to sensitively and genuinely offer help, understanding, or even forgiveness toward others.”
Thinking I have to feel my way into taking action on something. It’s actually the opposite in many cases. You take the action, and THEN have the feeling you desired. Exercise is an example for me. There are lots of mornings I don’t feel like exercising, but I do it anyway. As the minutes pass by I begin to have the feelings I wanted to have BEFORE exercising. Feelings follow actions.
Confusing gratifying exhaustion with empty fatigue. I saw this one in a post at marcandangel.com. Just because you are tired at the end of the day doesn’t mean you filled the day with meaningful activities. A good litmus test of your daily success is to ask, “Do I feel gratified by what I did today… or empty?”
Comparing myself to the wrong people. While I should be inspired by the work and life of others, thinking less of myself because I haven’t achieved some arbitrary metric of success is not healthy. I should only be comparing myself to myself. Am I becoming more of the person I aspire to be? Am I making more choices in alignment with my values? Whose approval do I really want anyway?
Being afraid of failing at something. You KNOW you have that list of things you want to try. Plan to fail. And in taking the action you’ll learn if this new thing arouses a desire in you to try it again… or quit and try something else.
Work Ring
Putting off the chance to grow myself. YOU are the ringmaster of your circus. It’s up to you to take the initiative to become a more valuable employee. The skills needed to succeed in the workplace of tomorrow are changing. Are you?
Being silent about what’s important to me. Talk about an “elephant” weighing you down! Regardless of the issue, circumstance, or frustration, there is something constructive you can do. Remember the quote from Margaret Mead: “Be brave enough to have a conversation that matters.”
Wasting my minutes. Ten minutes each day adds up to almost an hour each work week. One strategy used by a coaching client I have is to have a running list of small tasks that can be done in 10 minutes or less. They create them first thing each morning.
Relying on a task list to manage my day. Speaking of lists, a task list is a terrible way to move through your day. Your mind will always look for the easiest or most urgent item… not necessarily the one that would move you forward on your goals or priorities.
Thinking like a victim when it comes to my stress at work. I know many organizations place unreasonable expectations on their employees. However, I believe it’s important to ask yourself how you may be contributing to an unhealthy stress level. Is it an unwillingness to negotiate expectations, poor self-care, ineffective use of your time, or something else? Even if your ability to manage the stress is minimal, are you doing all you can with the impact you can have?
Beating myself up because I can't achieve success with a new habit. It’s that time of year where so many hopes for change have been dashed by the busyness of the every day. Disrupting your schedule with something new seems impossible. A better approach is to start small. Ask yourself, “What is the smallest change for the better I can make that won’t be so disruptive to my current routine?” Do that, get momentum, and expand as you gain more confidence (Remember-feelings follow actions).
Discounting the impact of my environment in helping me to focus. If you find that you are having to consistently NOT look, hear, or even smell something so you can get your work done, that’s a problem. You are using too much mental energy to control your brain’s desire to be distracted. Either move to a better space when you need to get “thinking work” done or improve your current environment in some way.
Relationships Ring
Denying that it frustrates me when people don’t see the world like I do. I would even ask you the question, “Do you KNOW what your worldview is, and what shaped it?” I’m currently reading The Road Back To You by Ian Morgan Cron. He writes, “As long as we stay in the dark about how we see the world and the wounds and beliefs that have shaped who we are, we’re prisoners of our history.” Once we get clarity on our own worldview, we can begin to understand how to best relate to others who have a different one.
Trying to please everyone. No explanation needed.
Avoiding the difficult conversations. I’m a little hypersensitive with this one because I’m a “S” in DISC and type as an Enneagram 2, but I can tell you that in my coaching experience, unresolved conflict or unmet expectations are a HUGE distraction for many people. If that’s something you want to address, send me an email. I’d welcome the chance to offer you some language to get that conversation started.
Neglecting the chance to develop deeper friendships. Next to my faith in God and my family, I receive so much strength from the friendships in my life. People who listen deeply and genuinely care about me and my well-being. I even schedule times to catch up with my long distance friends. A sad truth I have found with coaching is that many people don’t have those types of people in their life.
Acting like I am okay… when I’m not. Ever been around a coworker or friend who you can sense is not at their best, but say they are? Has that ever been YOU? Because of my daughter’s journey with mental health, I have made a commitment to tell people how I am really feeling when they ask-the first time. That doesn’t mean pouring my heart out. It’s simply an honest answer. I have found that when I do that it creates an almost instant connection with the other person. In fact, many respond by saying, “You too?”
Thinking I always communicate well. In a recent coaching session I asked a manager who was struggling with his team if he believed they were clear on their assignments. His response was, “I think they are.” We spent the next few minutes talking about asking good questions and listening at a deeper level to actually find out. Communication is so much more than telling!
Having unrealistic expectations of others. This one is probably a subset of many of the others one in this section. If you are frustrated with someone’s performance at work, take the time to get clear on what you tangibly expect of them. Next, identify the gap and what a small step forward would look like. When you meet with that person, get their buy in on expectations and determine what they are willing to commit to for improvement.
The final one that incorporates all three rings is, Trying to fulfill an old identity. Do your goals and priorities align with the person you seek to become or are they more closely connected to some outdated vision you have for yourself? Do you feel like you’re forcing something that’s no longer REALLY important to you? I love the perspective of tennis great Serena Williams shared in a Times article about her decision to transition away from tennis. The author writes, “Williams will re-direct her curiosity and drive into her investment firm, Serena Ventures. She’ll kindle her spiritual life. She’ll evolve as a mom. ‘I think I’m good at it,’ she says of parenthood. ‘But I want to explore if I can be great at it.’” There’s a person who isn’t trying to hold onto an identity that no longer fulfills them… and is pursuing one that will.
What will you quit this year to start thriving in the ways that are important to you?
